From Dust to...

What happens after you die? I'm not starting a discussion about theology. I mean, what really happens to your ol' sack of bones? A lot of people are embalmed and buried. Others choose to be cremated; their ashes either spread in a meaningful spot or kept by family members. For the most part, people are breaking down into little bits, becoming unrecognizable as the years pass. But what if you don't want that fate? There are many things you can do with your corpse. Some are practical, while others are just fucking wacky. I've compiled a list of my top five favorite post-mortem... activities?

Things you can do (or be) when you're dead! 

5. Were you a teacher's pet in life? A former-book-worm-now-worm-food might choose to will his or her body to a university. Many medical schools rely on willed cadavers to help students learn. According to the University of Colorado School of Medicine, "Most bodies are used to teach medical, dental, physical therapy and physician assistant students, and in the continuing education program for surgeons. Some bodies are used for research, primarily by surgeons to study new operative techniques." Want to know more about willing your body? It's never too late to learn! 

 4. You might be dead, but there are valuable parts of you that may still be useful. Heck, you can even lend your face to someone who needs it! Put those squishy parts to work and become an organ donor! 

 3. Can't get enough of those crime shows? Watch way too much CSI? Have I got the after-death for you! Bet you didn't know that there are five research facilities in the US where they plant bodies and see what "grows"? Body farms allow forensic anthropologists to study skeletal and decomposing human remains in various settings and circumstances. Their knowledge can then be applied to real-life crime scenes. Texas State University boasts the largest body farm. Why not reserve a spot for your carcass? 

Those were all pretty noble ways to use your body after you're done with it. Your donation will surely help someone, if not dozens of someones. But not everyone wants their remains poked at by students, doctors, or forensic anthropologists. Don't worry, my last two post-mortem activities are for you! 

 2. Cremation often allows the dearly-departed to stay in their home, surrounded by loved ones. But let's face it -- who wants a big, ugly pot filled with you sitting on their mantle? The risk of the urn breaking, and bits of myself getting all up in my family's lungs, would be too stressful. The solution? Turn that corpse into a diamond! A bit of hair or ashes can be your carbon source for their patented, diamond-making process. Death and diamonds... both are forever. Makes perfect sense to me! Throw out that bulky urn and rock on forever! (Geology puns)

 1. This one is for dead Trekkies. You always fantasized about orbiting the earth, walking on the moon, or even travelling into deep space. But let's face it -- unless you work for NASA or you're Sir Richard Branson -- it just ain't happening. However, your cremated remains might have better luck! For around a grand, your dust can sore into space and mingle with some space dust. For a mere $12,500, you can launch your ashes into deep spae with the Voyager Service. It's first mission is scheduled for 2014, so you may want to plan ahead for your flight! Want to learn more, you nerd? Click here to visit their website.